Will People Still Like Me?

You can change aggressive or non-assertive habits by starting small, with people with whom you already feel comfortable. For example, you may have strong feelings about politics, but you usually hold back because others may not agree with you. If an opportunity comes up while you are among friends, perhaps with co-workers at lunch, give your own opinion and watch the reaction of the others. With practice, you will feel more at ease speaking up. Here are some common questions and concerns that many people have about adopting an assertive style.

Question:  I’m afraid that if I assert myself with my supervisor, he or she will get angry and I’ll get fired. Should I be worried about this?

Answer: Nobody can predict another person’s reaction, but even if your supervisor does get angry, you can carry on the discussion in a positive way if you are calm and assertive. The situation could get much worse if you were aggressive, instead of assertive. In that case, your actions might lead to negative consequences. But your supervisor, like anyone else, is responsible for his or her own responses. If he or she blows up, you have to remind yourself that this is not your fault.

Question:If I assert myself with co-workers, will they still like me?

Answer:  People make up their own minds about whom they like or don’t like. Being liked may be an important goal for you, but this should not mean you have to give up your self-respect. When you are assertive, you attract people with self-respect and respect for others – probably the kind of people you want as friends.

Question:  Will my patients be offended if I am direct with them?

Answer:  Most people appreciate directness. Of course, that doesn’t mean that you can be rude or put people down; that would be aggressive, not assertive behavior. Try to be honest and direct, as well as considerate and sensitive at the same time. Your patients and colleagues will not beturned off by you, but may appreciate your honesty.

Question:  Should I always try to meet all the needs of other people?

Answer:  You can’t be all things to all people. If you allow others to treat you disrespectfully, this is not constructive and you shouldn’t put upwith this. For example, if a physician yells at you because he wants you to stop whatever you’re doing so you can help him, instead of being passive, you could say, “When you calm down, I know I can help you.”

Question:  Will assertiveness make me seem cold and distant?

Answer:  Some people may want you to be passive all the time because then you never turn down anything they ask or stand up to them. If you are assertive, they may accuse you of being cold because they can no longer manipulate you. Others may feel very happy that you are responding assertively. When assertiveness is used wisely, it can give you the confidence and courage to deal with any negative reactions you come across.

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